"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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