thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
