I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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