I'm jealous of your bromance
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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