you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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