I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
