So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
