Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
