Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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