i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
