At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
