I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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