Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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