My hand turned me down
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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