i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
