I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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