Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They have beer where we have blood.
We are all done wearing pants today
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