her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize
