Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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