who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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