i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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