Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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