I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my phone needs a breathalizer
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
