Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
