you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
