Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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