can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
