I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
