Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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