I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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