Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
