theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
