it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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