the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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