it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
