nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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