is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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