Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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