You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize