I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
