I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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