genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
