i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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