new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
