..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
