I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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