i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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