Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
