You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish you could order shots online.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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