I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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