he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
FUCK WHALES
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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