Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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