Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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