Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
