soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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