worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
