Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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