Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
