Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
